fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
