How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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