He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
