She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
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I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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