that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
