i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
