Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
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