I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
