Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
it's great music for shaving your balls
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
