Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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