Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
