just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
