obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
