Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
