He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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