Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
