I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
