it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just found puke in my bra..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
