The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
