Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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