found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
