why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Michael Bay diarrhea
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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