nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Randomize
