So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
