I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
