Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
