when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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