God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
