now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
