It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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