I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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