He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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