You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
