How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My cat gives me a boner
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
