I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
