I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
