she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
