At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
