She is in my trunk
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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