i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I love having hate sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
