he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
