Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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