i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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