Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
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Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance