oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from