Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
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I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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