i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
