I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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