just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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