He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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