I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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