I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
