the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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