Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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