I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
cat food counts as protein by the way
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
