omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
