That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
