The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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