guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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