You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Randomize
