it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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