He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
