take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
