Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
