apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I understand Curling. That high.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I lost the right to judge tonight
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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