I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
you made out with another girl for some wings
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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