I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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