After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
