I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
