Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
