how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
