Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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