Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
