I just saw a hot homeless man
Apparently you make a good broom.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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