Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dignity is for republicans.
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I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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